March 26-27, 2011 Saturday/Sunday
Last night, I called up friends I could contact and informed them of my decision to go home to the Philippines. I was able to contact Teddy and he requested that I bring their money to their relatives in RP. Another colleague I was able to talk to was Lovie. He was surprised about my decision but said that he respected it. Mariz called to confirm because she heard the news from Teddy and Pines. Briefly, I told all of them about how I came up with the decision and assured them that I would be back as soon as I can. I also contacted Princess and told her that I had decided to leave. She rang me up later and said that her father wanted me to spend my remaining days with them and that they would be the one to bring me to the embassy on the date of my departure.
Accompanied by Ted and Pines, I decided to have my money exchanged from dinar to dollar. Banks are hoarding their dollars so we can only have the exchange through the black market. Dinar had gone to so much devaluation. Before the uprising, it was LYD 1.37 to a dollar, now it varies from 2.30-2.75 dinar. We heard that there were places which offered 3.00-3.50 dinar per dollar. We found one shop which changes 2.20 dinar for $1.00 and that's where I had my money changed. It was so demoralizing, receiving so little in exchanged of the sacrifice of living far from your loved ones.
I ate lunch at my flat and gave away all the wet food to Nouri's family downstairs. I left the canned goods in the kitchen just in case Bok would come to Tripoli. I felt a little sadness as I prepared the things I have to bring for my flight. As instructed by Labat Mustapha - only important documents and essential clothes have to be brought. Mariz called and requested me to bring her daughter's money. She volunteered to take me to the house of Dr. Naj. It was a teary farewell for both of us.
In between my bonding moments with my Libyan "family", I wrote my journal. I also prepared two farewell letters: one for someone whom I had hoped to be my friend, and the other was somebody whom I had already certified as a friend. In order to protect the privacy of the first person, I wouldn't mention the name anymore but there were certain points that I wanted to clarify in my first letter ...It is important for me to introduce to someone I had chosen as a friend the "person" that I am (my back story, the baggage I carry, the "wounds" I suffered) because in knowing so, my "friend" would be able to understand me better. It is not pity that I seek but understanding...Another point I wanted to stress was that friendship is something to be nurtured in order for it to grow. You find time for each other, it doesn't matter if it's once a week or once a month, but you have to establish a friendship rite, that because of your busy schedule you could "forget" each other for awhile but on one particular time at one particular day, you and your friend has that one special moment with each other. It's just like the taming of the fox in the Little Prince by Antoine de St. Exupery. This is important especially when the friendship is still young. Once the "taming rites" are over, you can already get in and out of each other's life at anytime because your friendship is already strong enough to stand the test of time...Sad to say, this person and I were not able to sustain our friendship rites.
My second letter was for Bok. I told him about the incident that made me decide to leave, that I did not want my decision to be based on the pressure which my children exerted over me nor the assertion he cast for me to stay. I said that if ever I would leave, it was because that was what my heart desired. I also stated in the letter that I waited for him for as long as I could but he never came nor called. I mentioned that Kohms, where he could reach me by phone was just one dinar away from Zletin but he never reached out. Zletin had become his 9-dots (in reference to a group dynamics exercise which I conducted for students), and he did not dare to get out from his mental box. I also told him that Zletin offered an artificial freedom, just like Tripoli although the latter was much bigger. I said that I was going home because I wanted to have the freedom to do the things I want to do - like speaking my mind out, communicating with people I love, and writing my thoughts and sharing them with people without the fear of being persecuted. I also told him that I would always cherish the friendship which I had shared with him because it is a tangible proof that true friendship can go beyond age, gender, status and political upheaval. In parting, I said that he would always be my Bok.
I write very long letters because I usually pour my sentiments on them. I don't know if the intended message had come across through the written form but the bottom line is that these two people are important enough to me for them to merit two long nights just for me to say goodbye.
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